She’s geeky to her Joss-Whedon-loving core, a Whovian, Vertigo-reading, 3rd edition D&D (none of that 4th ed crap thank you very much) gamer with the con stories to prove it. While it’s true that many men will use it as a polite dodge to avoid saying “I’m not attracted to you”, when it comes up over and over again, it’s a sign that maybe there’s more to it. And don’t get me wrong, this isn’t someone looking for geeky attention or a propped up fantasy. But “intimidating” is almost uselessly vague, especially if they keeps coming up; it covers a multitude of meanings to the point that it means everything and nothing at once.Wide smiles that reach your eyes (the “Duchenne Smile”) and open, welcoming body language can make a shy or introverted guy feel more welcome.Showing genuine interest or honest appreciation in his accomplishments or hobbies can also help him overcome feelings of “What could she possibly see in me? She has a job she loves that pays good money, money that she likes to spend on her geeky hobbies and toys. – she hears the same thing over and over again: “You’re too intimidating…” Does this sound familiar to you? In fact, going by the number of emails I get from my readers, it’s most common issue that geek (or geek-curious) women encounter when they’re interested in dating.
No matter how little a woman has, most guys try to size themselves up to her and the chance of them approaching her is based on what they think they have to offer.
It’s like a scale that we are measured on and when you have too much it is at the loss of something else, us guys are flawed in our thinking and if a guy doesn’t feel that he is rich, he damn sure doesn’t think that he deserves a beautiful woman. You basically have your pick of men, whether you want to believe it or not.
Guys are much easier once you get past the shyness or the stupid antics used to hide shyness and you can go out and grab one and he’d play ball with the quickness. There is a term for it: Caligynephobia: The fear of beautiful women…
Your instinctive response may be to play down your looks, and while this can work – there’s a reason why the “beautiful-after-all” trope exists; everyone likes the idea of the librarian who’s secretly model-gorgeous – it’s ultimately putting the responsibility on you.
Instead, make a point of being approachable and friendly.