It doesn’t matter if the separation from their child’s mother was amicable, her ‘fault’ or down to his own misdemeanours, there will always be an element of guilt where the kids are involved.
Take Fiona for example.“I met John, a recently separated dad on a dating site a few years ago.
If you want to make a success of a relationship, it’s worth thinking about whether you’re really ready to in effect take on another woman’s children, even if it’s probably going to be a part-time venture!
One thing you can be faced with when you start to date a recently-separated dad is their guilt.
A man with kids has a lifetime obligation to those kids, and they will require his love, attention, and money.
If you find you don’t like to share, or you just don’t like kids, that’s fine — it’s better to know this and avoid dating men with children, rather than put yourself in a situation that isn’t fair to you, him, or the kids.
He’d separated from his wife a few months previously, due to her own adultery and he was clearly finding it hard to cope with this, despite putting on a show of bravado.“John saw his kids every weekend, in fact when we first started dating, he was staying at the former matrimonial home overnight most weekends, as he had been forced to rent a small flat so that his wife and children were able to carry on in the house without too much upheaval.
The arrangement worked as well as can be expected, but there was bitterness on her part that he had found a girlfriend – even though she had first – and she wasn’t happy that he was now seeing me on one of the nights that she had been going out with her new love.” Fiona met John’s children quite early on in the relationship, which surprised her, as most separated dads are reluctant to involve the kids straight away.
I listened to him moan about her, and worry about whether she was looking after the girls properly.
“I went to his flat one evening, when he’d been allowed to have the girls overnight, and I was introduced as ‘Daddy’s friend’ which I was fine with, as I was really aware of not wanting to confuse the children.
We seemed to get along OK, although when one of them started to play up, I felt very reluctant to say anything as there was no way I wanted to get involved in any arguments about discipline so early on!
Whether you’re a parent yourself or not, the dating scene can be tricky.
And from the point of view of a woman who wants to start dating a separated dad, it can be a complete minefield.