These are all the small moments that add up to a loving relationship that is worth striving for.When speaking with friends who are recently coming out of long-term relationships, it’s been interesting to see how their comments and questions about my dating life do a flip.When we’re hurt and abandoned and adrift, we want to find something stable and grounded as soon as possible.We want to feel known the way we were before when we had someone that felt as familiar as home and as cozy as a cashmere blanket.In protecting ourselves and our hearts, we can let some of our uglier qualities run a bit wild, but it’s important to keep them in check. And definitely unfriend or unfollow your ex if it’s triggering some unhealthy behavior.There’s a reason rebound relationships are so popular.They take a while to save for, feel monumental to procure, and require care to maintain.Rather than stretch this metaphor way too far, let me just say: While it may feel like no one will know you like your ex-boyfriend did, that’s OK. You’ve been changed and shaped by your past relationships and by this breakup.
Amanda has counselled hundreds of individuals and couples, and, as a lecturer in psychosexual therapy and sexual health counselling at Sydney University, is an expert in the field.
“Because of that, I went on several dates to prove I was ready, when I totally wasn’t.
I felt like something was wrong with me.” Later, she realized that her desire to date again came back to her organically once she had decided to let go of her benchmarks. If you’re motivated by deadlines, consider putting a reasonable date on a calendar.
But if the hurt was too deep, or if you think you just need time, remember to be patient with yourself and let yourself heal.
Unless you’re completely off the grid, you’re probably going to fall into the trap of stalking your ex on social media.