So he squeezes his legs into the arms of the sweater and pulls the rest of the fabric tight around his waist. He waits until the moment the train starts to pull away from the station, then dashes out of the bathroom (as quickly as a hunched over cowboy with sweater pants can dash) and jumps off the train.
He is lost and stranded somewhere between The usual telling of this dating disaster legend involves a fellow who has a bit of an “accident” so he leaves his date standing outside a store while he dashes in to buy a pair of pants.
So on his way back to the station he stumbled into an army surplus shop and asked for a pair of trousers — quick, here’s a fiver” — the assistant stuffed them into a bag, and the man just managed to scramble into an empty compartment on the corridorless train back home.
He removed his mucky old trousers, rolled them up, and threw them out of the window.
After cleaning himself off, he opens the Gap bag and pulls out…just the sweater.
He rolls them into a ball and throws them out the window.
Inevitably, there’s a woman buying a sweater at the same time; he grabs his purchase, reclaims his ladyfriend, they get back to the train station, he goes to change, throws the soiled pants out the window, then finds out he grabbed the wrong package.
A British version tells of a henpecked husband who drinks too much at the office Christmas party (which he wasn’t supposed to have been at in the first place), throws up on himself, stops to buy clothes so the wife won’t know, and catches the train home: A friend wasn’t feeling well, but just couldn’t see how he could miss the office Christmas party, so he took the train to town and over-indulged himself enormously, with the result that he was really very ill in several directions at once.
He doesn’t even want the sweater, so he says through clenched teeth (just in case his date can read lips from away) “Just the pants.” “What? They board the train just before it leaves the station and find two seats in the middle of the car.
Without sitting down, our hero excuses himself and walks to the bathroom in the back of the car.