Throughout our interview, I notice that he often uses the word "play" to describe what people do while in the room.That's not a term often associated with depression or obsession, two conditions in which you forget how to play.I've never found that to work."In other words, don't be put off by a tightly knit community where everyone seems to know each other, where the inside jokes and innuendoes fly around as you attempt to introduce yourself.If you're respectful and patient and smart, you'll become a part of it sooner than you think."I enjoy the power trip (of being an admin)," Kirk says, laughing.One of the dangerous delights of cybersex is that both men and women can form strong emotional ties, regardless of geographical, political, cultural or marital complications offline.If you do fall ass over teakettle for someone you meet online, Kirk suggests confining the "honey baby sugar darling" talk to private sessions.Some rooms warn you first."Not everyone uses a webcam during chat, while others – especially couples – connect their home video cameras to their computers and provide the highest quality video."It's really nice when the couples are on cam together," says Kirk.
Some cyber partners even end up leaving the virtual space to get married. But it still irks me that it's such a shock when I explain that having sex online does not mean it's your last resort.
The draw now is the community itself, the relationships he has formed over time."I like coming home and chatting with people," he says.
"Often the conversation in the room is pretty superficial, but talking behind the scenes in IM can get more substantive."He does admit to the occasional "wank session," though.
Cybersex is a woman's world, didn't you know?
A man who not only respects that but enjoys it is a man who will not lack for online sexual partners.